I don't know what to call this...
I hate having to use public restrooms. Even clean ones. They're fine in an emergency or when your bladder has reached super saturation level from holding it for hours, hoping to make it home. (Ladies, I feel really sorry for you...you don't have the benefit of a urinal).
Speaking of urinals, for crying out loud, why are there dudes who just can't seem to hit the target here. It's a friggin' huge porcelain wall-mounted basin hung at approximately the correct height. Missing would seem almost impossible. One would think. So why is it that when I have to pee at work, right in front of the urinal I always find a piddle puddle on the floor?! Look; it's not hard. You step-up. Lean in slightly and pee. Wait for the shake. Stuff the horse back in the barn and move on. Geez! (Again, my sympathies to all you ladies who have these piss-poor shooters as husbands / boyfriends).
Then, there's the stall & toilet. Eh. I found one at work that's always clean. (My company has an excellent janitorial staff). Even so, I use the handicap stall. It's usually cleaner than the rest. Yeah, yeah. Don't criticize me...I've scoped the floor out first. No handicapped people work here. It was installed for building code purposes...get over it. But I digress. I usually go at a certain timeframe. My body is punctual. But here's the thing: I want it quiet. I think there. Yes, think. Not deep thoughts but things like; who I need to telephone, what's for dinner, etc. Nothing disrupts this time of thought more than a guy coming in and squatting in the stall beside me. Yeah, I know, other people have to go. But why at the same time as I? Nevermind. So he's there, but does he have to be noisy? What's with the grunts & heavy sighs and the "ahhhhs," and the panting like giving birth? Then there's the bodily noises. Do you how distracting this all is to thought? Horribly! And then there's the few who ignore the "dude rules" and try to have a conversation. SHUT UP! It's not the place.
Today, I'm looking for a guy with brown shoes and black jeans. That's all I know to recognize of him. Any fella I meet today with whom I may shake hands, I'm checking his shoes and trousers first. Mr noir jeans failed to wash his hands after a dooky...a noisy fella he is as well. The utlimate worst: noisy crapper and unconcerned with hygiene. WTF people?!
posted by Rusty Nails @ 8:28:00 AM
16 Comments:
So sir, whenever you pee it comes out like a laser beam? Is that what I'm to assume? Consider yourself rather lucky.
Hey, welcome to the virtual world.
My darling, you are a teeny weeny little bit freaky.
That being said, I wouldn't shake his hand either.
Egan, actually, I think there may be laser technology involved, I may have said too much.
I'm all about good hygiene, that's a bad thing. However sometimes you just can't control the yellow stream exiting the body. It has a mind of its own.
i have to praise the gusy in my house. they are well trained and well aimed, thankfully. and i don't blame youone bit for not shaking that guys hands.....grooooosssss
oh and btw....hippies may suck, but they also swallow :P
Okay, first of all, Mr. R.N., I do agree with how you NURSE your whiz stream like a lay-zur. So does this mean your shark has a lay-zur on its head? It must be a NURSE shark. I disagree with Egan, though. I have shag on my bathroom floor and there is no way I am going to take a chance. I am well-aimed and meticulous about making a swish each and every time.
Egan - you've got to get control. Use two hands if need be.
Gawpo - no "lay-zur" here...just well placed shooting. (I put little tp boats in the bowl for target practice)
Lime - TMI about hippies. And, I'll never know for sure anyway. Too bad.
Of course there is always peeing in a toilet bowl. You know you're a man when you can cover the entire surface with foam. Ugh.
Oh, ok.
I see how it is.
I am the only blogger who links here, AND the only blogger having sex with Mr. N and does he bother to respond to MY comments?
Oh nooooo.
Fine, good, whatever!
(And yes, that was the you-better-suck-up whatever, not the its-all-good-I-don't-really-have-a-preference whatever.)
Can't you see, dear wifey, that this is a MAN's forum? We are talking about pissing. This very topic has so much tension it can go either way. It can remain civil, or it can go to fistacuffs in the shake of a johnson. Don't get in the middle of it. It is a sign of respect that you are left out. Please try to understand that this is about your safety. In the omission, the man is defending your honor. You must try to see that. Lime has no idea how close she came to serious physical injury. She skated. She is lucky.
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Hey whats with the hippie slammin over here?
What I really wanna talk about is bathrooms. Hey, I have been to India 4 times, I know all about bathrooms and "emergenc(ies) or when your bladder has reached super saturation level from holding it for hours, hoping to make it home."
Also my bladder is the size of a pea. I really know..and I hate public bathrooms.
But, after spending an entire night in the smelly squat potty bathroom of a train racing through Karnataka at warp speed....holding onto the hand rails....ok I'm trying to be classy here, but at same time giving you the complete picture...LOL
after that....any bathroom will do...even no bathroom will do....just ladies please try not to sit down ever!!
God I am really getting carried away but I also wanna say that after that point, any time Ihad to use the bathroom in airports or wherever, I couldnt believe how many women refused to use the squat potties...hey figure it out..you dont sit on it, it's gotta be more hygienic!
Anyway, like I said, after spending the night in a train bathroom, you realise, all that matters is your humility!
BTW When you use the bathroom in trains in India, it just goes all over the tracks....ARGH!!!!
:P
Was that TMI?
Hey women have bathroom stories too ya know!
Gawpo~ Lil hint, my friend, ignoring a woman is NEVER gonna be the best approach. *flicking the lamp on and off*
Ok - let me get this straight ... when you're "taking out the trash", you think about the evening's dinner????
Huh? Wha?
Someone should make urinal cakes with targets on them. Or make urinals like the clowns at the fair that you have to shoot the stream of water into their mouth with a squirtgun and the balloon fills up with air and if you've been saving it all day, the balloon would most likely pop. I bet guys would drink more water too. It just sounds healthier all around. But the handwashing, hmmm, OH! when they washed their hands, naked pictures of women (or men) would show up in the mirror after a few seconds. And only if they pumped the soap dispenser first. Yeah. Someone should do that. ;)
Balou - Great idea about the naked pictures of women appearing when the soap dispenser is pushed. I'm working on the hollographic prototype now. However, it's not the aim that's the problem, it's the dribble and shake at the end. Follow thru, follow thru, follow thru!
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